The 20 mile circle from my home

If I understand this charade, I'm supposed to build a tolerance for idiotic behavior that is rewarded?  I'm allowed an ego based point of view as well, right?  Okay grand another item for the list of things we agree upon.  You like to dust your figurines while I enjoy watching the cobwebs grow.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Lake Perris campground, California.

It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

I dreamt of the grotto near the sea. A reservation I made but couldn't remember the name I gave.  I found myself inside a maze of stacked stone hallways.  I could feel the chilly damp sea air but could not see the water.  The corridors illuminated by what flickered like a flame, but I never saw the source.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

When you first showed up in my dreams as a formless sensation.  Overcome by thoughts and feelings not imagery. Not a typical dream. It was a realization without the epiphanic imagery..  The transition into womanhood is what I thought.  I know most cultures feel that happens at menstruation.  If only it were that simple.  The deeper sense of feminine takes time to learn those boundaries.  It can be experienced as unfair, confusing, and as if one is disregarded.  No one explains things in these terms because the ones who know assume it is common knowledge. The ones who don't know figure ways to cope.



It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

The weird part is how you come to me in a dream. You are different and seem genuine honest and fair.  Is this your agony?  You aren't able to fully be yourself because of social confines.  The look on your face was like a mask ripped off by the unsuspecting hand of reality.   I just imagine these things from nothing?  If it was meant to be obvious it would but it isn't.  I have no power to change those type of perceptions.  This isn't uncommon, no. This is typical for my life.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

You are famous on the internet, that website is private.

Here fill out this form. Have a seat wait for your number to be called.

What is your phone number?

It's on the form in your hand, you told me to fill it out.

I can't read your writing.

I would have done this online if your website functioned.

It's not fun to insult people online. It's best to do that in person. The Internet is strictly for communicating.  Not data mining.  Human nature has already been documented.  Technology created the illusion of difference.  You can contemplate that while in the waiting line.



It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

The plan is to go where I am wanted, needed.  I have a guy that contacts me early in the morning for same day work.  His messages are cryptic and he changes phone numbers. He lied about a situation when I told a third party about how he was acting.  This is supposedly a legitimate business but the dude scares me. I don't know why he is trying to be strange.  I won't hear from him for a week and all of a sudden I'm supposed to change my schedule and meet him in a half an hour.  I have another person who plays a game saying I have work for you I'll let you know.  I try making contact and it turns into a the runaround over several communication devices.  Predictably odd never ending mysteries.  How open ended games strangely manifest in my life.  I'm sure is a defect in my character.  Until I gain insight into what I doing to cause this I'm trapped in this dilemma. 


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Confusion, is this real?  I don't know what to do.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Why is this so difficult?

Skeptical is a simple way to describe the inquisitive nature that is the human mind.  When trust has been shattered the resulting turmoil has the potential to cut off access to simple fragile emotions that rarely get any use.  By making them impossible to find.  If it is possible to demonstrate the ill effects fraudulent emotions have on people exposed there would be an agency like the CDC to track the spread of deceit like a contagion.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96