A sad day over here

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” A. A. Milne / Winnie the Pooh  

It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Old Bats

I live near two women. Two seperate people in different houses. Both have the same peculiar interest in feeling control over others.  They both monitor when I leave, or when people visit me.  One installed a camera that looks directly into my yard. She cut down a tree that blocked her view into my yard. She also trims tree branches in one area that gives her a view into my yard.  The other installed a wood fence to make it seem like she doesn't want to see in my yard. But the slats have enough gaps she can see through.  If I'm out in my yard talking on the phone, or with a visitor. She always happens to be in her yard mulling about.  One used to tell me she saw people visiting me, or she would comment that I left several times during the day. Once she mentioned something in my yard blocked her view to my porch. The other would say after you left someone was trying to open your gate.  It didn't start creeping me out right away, but it did hit me all of a sudden, their odd interest in such matters. One told me she wanted to be a witch so she could see everything.  I avoid them both now.  Neither person adds to the function of my life. They both require a strategic defense plan.  I don't think it is me personally they are interested in. I think they are each mentally defienct and it's how they conduct their lives.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

If it even matters, I don't know

Things changed. My life is different. I don't know if you understand, or care to know.

It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

legislating victimhood to boost the economy

Examples abound. The meticulous qualifying process siphoning sanity, wringing out reason.  Forms waiting lines, jobs. Victim hood the choice.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Where do I belong

Wherever I show up there's never a vacancy.

It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Evil knows it's victims

Anger and rage looking for a body to inhabit.  The easiest rental agreement to negotiate.  No deposit, no background check. Evil works in the shadow of intent.  Ignoring the unknown doesn't harness that energy.  Building reasons creates victims. 


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

He wanted her to understand completely his reality. His reality where he determined who had a right to express their feeling. He determined who mattered. He determined who was worthy of emotion. In his reality she would never matter. Her feelings weren't considered because he had it all figured out for her. He blamed her for her silence, as he prevented her from saying anything. He imaged what she needed to say and in his reality that was enough.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

When people live in an all consuming fantasy reality the sealed edges that contains their reality aren't visible. The conversation can't be had until the fantasy dweller realizes they are in fact sealed off.  Their wishful thinking doesn't transcend the reality of nonfantasyland dwellers. Manufactured complicated maneuvering translating to reality is...?

's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

The popular ideology if it looks perfect, it is perfect. No worries, no cares. This popular belief makes the inverse true without question. If it looks bad, it is bad.  The real challenge is exposing the deception.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

The unusual correlation between calamity and miracles

Over several months this is the third time I've fallen.  I was getting ready to BBQ I went to check if the coals were ready.  I began falling before I reached the hot BBQ.  I put my hand out to push it away.  Thankfully it fell forward and the only place I was burned was where my hand came in contact with the outer edge.
Adding up three falls, my life has changed.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

It's time for communication to re-include the/a spiritual element missing long enough. The art of talking, speaking, the word.  Every topic being turned into the agitator cycle on the washing machine.  Getting people sudsed up and frothy.  People have fallen out of the habit of conversing, exchanging ideas, coming clean.  The ridiculous point of views being expressed as if they are genuine.  People being paid to push a message, on people that certainly know better, but aren't in the position to make it stop. The level of sincerity replaced with grammatical degree, repeated like an echo in a hollow space.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Repulse

Her arms pulled me near. The fat warm and soft like an old woman is allowed to be. If she ends up that way there's a space for women like that. Especially if she is nice and pleasant company.  Being drawn in is met with being pushed away.  The required space outside the boundary of skin.  I knew her by what people said about her when she wasn't around.  She was helpful and charitable to me if three encounters can sum up a person's character.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Catholic clergy abuse ... church problems are people problems

https://www.westernmagazine.com.au/story/5925347/cardinal-george-pell-heckled-at-court/?cs=9397

"We want to see him fry in hell forever.

     I heard the guy say this on the news just now. It startled me and got me thinking.  He wants a window seat.  A perch.  It sounded common and familair, but in a new sense.  I could see how everyday conversation it sounded.  The conclusion drawn by persons unlearned in struggling.  A romantized view of pain, a childish concept of forever.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

I haven't had much to add here because too many variables made my thoughts confused. Now I have a course, a path to follow. This is a beginning in a sense of something new for me.
Over the past six months I've been dealing with health issues. I'm starting a treatment plan today.  I'm apprehensive, and hopeful.  My diagnosis was elusive.  Lots of tests but each came back saying I was healthy.  I kept feeling like I could get beyond my symptoms, until I couldn't. Finally a test showed a direction to investigate and anyhow here I am.  I need to get beyond the physical limits I'm dealing with. Also being frustrated by not falling into a standard category.  I felt like I was being pushed to communicate with people I didn't want to talk to.  As if somewhere there are written rules or at least that was how I was being approached.  I dodged as much as I could, only to be presented with more.  I'm expected to understand unwritten rules?  Okay, if I have nothing nice to say, it's best to say nothing.

It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96