Feeling like a cosmic balancing act being whatever I'm needed to be.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Shared from an edited text

You are burdened by (that person's) mental state. It is psychological warfare. It is control on (their) part and shuts out any type of thankfulness or gratitude. Strange how it reminds me of the environment I was working in at my former job. Basically it is centered around: I need you but I can't let you know, because if I let you know you will be important and that can never happen. So I can't ever appreciate you because all these things are terrifying.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Unemployed= nonconsumer

Being unemployed means I'm no longer a consumer.  That is the basis or the foundation the unemployment industry is based upon.  I as an unemployed person descend the steps of desperation.  No longer do employers look at a resume to hire.  They look at how long you have been desperate.  They qualify new hires based on the lengthen of time you've been on unemployment.  What type of social services have been utilized.  The employer not only gets a fully scrutinized person they also received a monetary incentive to hire.  The new set of qualifications are financial gain.  The employer receives government funds by hiring a person who is using government aid.  At the same time employers new stance on performance and customer service changed.  Now employers take the position.  If the customer isn't satisfied by the performance of a given company it is the fault of the consumer for coming back and being abused.  The consumer should use the competitor instead of complain. Which means management is fully aware of their abysmal customer service.  They require it from their employees.  Costumers should get used to being abused and lied to or go somewhere else.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

The magic mesh

Yesterday marked a month.  I've not had a job for a month. Thursday I got a call again from my former employer to assist a customer.  I told them I didn't work there any longer. Sent a message to the manager asking for my information to be removed.  I said I'd like to forget this and move on.

My jolt of reality helped me to realize a long list of items I haven't been accessing In my life.  I'm thankful.  I'm also learning that being unemployed is an industry.   This industry thrives on people being unemployed.

I'm seeing my path one step at a time.  I'm not being given many options currently which is for now good.

The neighborhood dogs are barking sporadically which is typical when the moon is bright.  I gave my dog a treat at the door.  I have the As Seen on T.V. mesh screen on my door.  My dog passed through with his treat.  The treat got tangled into the mesh.  It slid the treat our of his mouth and hung suspended.  My dog stopped and looked back. Saw it hanging there. He turned and faced it.  I couldn't help laughing.  I untangled it and he took it and went on his way.

It was a good demonstration of my current situation.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

taking a step back

Turmoil, hard times, life shaping moments. I'm allowed to write my story.




It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Massacre Canyon San Jacinto California

It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96

Indubitably

"Stop being difficult.  If you'd just let him tickle you he gets his way and then leaves you alone.  You can go about your business".  He was trying to convince her she needed to play along.   Learn the ropes.  She knew no matter how precise she spoke he wasn't going to hear her.  His rules were for him.  There was another set of rules for her.  If she played along it was consent.  She had already tired and it turned into something unpleasant.  Her resistance was followed up by threats.  What did he care.  His position was solid.  He could remain disinterested.  If she spoke the truth she would be seen as hostile, bitter.  Her ideas were of no value.  He felt like a guardian telling her to play along.   Playing along was a man's approach.  Money was pulled from a pocket in a big roll. Just play along.  This is how we do things here. She walked out.  He had enough money and power to do whatever he pleased.  All the other girls were willing to bend to him.  She didn't know why she needed to.  He had desperate people at his disposal.  They would do whatever he asked.  Her fear of playing along blinded her to the looming danger of not participating.  Mental wellness having a sound mind.  In part included learning how to manage these situations.  Her mental state could withstand even if her physical body broke.  The situation filled all the roles it didn't require more players.  Outside again.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96