Yesterday my job hunting took me to Riverside. Websites that don't update their content. Grrrrr. The place had a physical address and hours of operation. Went with a friend. We got there the office was vacant. Deceptive in a sense, but not malicious. I have noticed incompetence is rewarded and promoted in the world. I need to check the batteries in my skeptic meter. We walked around The Mission Inn also found out they are hiring. I would love to wear their maid uniform it's a traditional black and white style. I drove home. I had to go to the grocery store. I saw lots of people from my former job while I was in town. It was weird and interesting. I am thankful I don't have to go in there. I feel relieved. The money was nice but the job left me feeling like I was swimming in a drain. There was an element of anticipation the feeling "Oh we're moving? No we're still here". Which as I'm writing I think this is my current trial I need to contend with. I'm still searching but not getting anywhere. I need a new game plan? I need to be different. Those are never good options. I think if I can figure out how to work with my scarred thinking I will find my way. I have a difficult time processing what is right in front of me. My blind spot. I have too much doubt in my immediate ability to reason I shut it out of any and all decision making. It is from a wound that healed and deformed my thought process. I have no way to mend it. I have to get along with life and accept this is my normal. Traumatic brain injuries don't just go away. I'm noticing my age is making that blind spot bigger and making other things more vivid.
It's not what you think it's what you believe. Patricia '96
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