Tuesday had me reeling

Yesterday I spent the day looking for work. Also made my way through the unemployment insurance maze. I met a few people standing in lines. I dropped off an application and a resume. The sign in the window said now hiring. From the looks of his employees this guy doesn't hire people who look like me. A woman I spoke with while waiting in line told me her story about working for an Amazon warehouse. How that company can get away with treating people the way they do. From what she described I don't want to purchase through Amazon anymore. Another woman started a conversation with me asking me why did God make her short and me tall. She went right into talking about how she only dates tall men. This is the second woman in the past five days to tell me she only dates tall men. This woman spoke like getting a guy was like winning a trophy. I wonder what dating meant to her. Going to dinner? Long walks on the beach? Or nipple clamps and dog collars? What is seen on the surface doesn't give a clear image of what is hidden. The tendency in people to trivialize other people seems to be acceptable. Lying, withholding crucial information, forcing people into making decisions.   I'm accustomed to relying on God to help me. It is quite popular to trivialize Christianity. Catholics are easy to poke fun at. The traditions and the statuary. I've experienced divine intervention. It's unpredictable and chaotic but perfectly timed and elaborately coordinated. God continues to refine imperfect me. Throughout my life I've had dreams of dying. The dreams vary but always I am murdered. Awhile back I saw something and didn't realize the significance. Months later I'm told "they'll never find you". I was left to wonder, why I am being considered a threat. I think someone used me in a power play.  I have no interest in understanding the mindset of the people from that group. I don't know what was told to them that put me on the watch list. I know I'm having dreams again because I'm allowing this to affect me. People having twisted associations with psychopaths. This isn't how I want to relate to people. It is unfair for me to be put into the middle of this. I'm set up to look totally crazy or more powerful than I am. This entry is bouncing off the walls. This is where I find myself these days. Oh yeah and the cherry on top of yesterday was seeing a guy putting deodorant on his face.  Trying to looking crazy to maximize his benefit.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96