Her feelings were muted. The never-ending cycle of frustration bad choices. She wanted to belong but she couldn't, instead she learned coping skills. She had to retreat without warning. Her life had been a series of detours. Self sabotage. She was used to this happening without her consent she learned to expect it. She could make it happen. She knew how to feel loss and despair familiar feelings. She wasn't accustom to getting her way. She didn't know what that meant. The things she wanted were easy to take away, without consequence to the taker. She was expected to understand by realizing others were less fortunate. It was a demand for her to go without. The needs of others to be met first. Always without question. To the point of excess, becoming waste, and complacency. In that she learned it wasn't about being understood, but to understand.
It's not what you think it's what you believe. Patricia '96
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