waiting for reality

Applied for two jobs yesterday. The websites each crashed.  One I had to reenter all the information.  The other timed out but I got do not reply emails for each so I figure they went through. I had to follow up on some other unfinished business had an interesting time visiting with people. It's a hollow feeling when after years of wishing things would be different and suddenly there's a change. You aren't able to feel the same passion. What I got was an uneventful moment. Like passing by the same place each day, and overnight someone painted their fence a different color. You'd notice it and keep going. It would have been a different feeling if a three story building collapsed. It was like that after all this time to hear this person say those words. How long I wanted to see this day. It came and went. I couldn't stop and celebrate because I had other things needing my immediate attention. Now I am able to recall the aggravation, the open spaces between what was available to me the hope I felt way back when. The things I had to choose from since what I wanted wasn't available. I can't say it doesn't matter, it does to some extent.  I think I've remained true to my feelings throughout the years and perhaps this is why I'm not feeling exhilarated.  I knew eventually this truth would be discovered.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
A Time for Everything.
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every [a]event under heaven— 
 2 A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. 
3 A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. 
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. 
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. 
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. 
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak. 
8 A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace.

This was the theme of the year book for my oldest sister one year.  It was a Catholic School using bible verses for a school theme used to be appropriate.  Two years later I'm in a public school being told my Catholic beliefs are Satanic.  It has been a interesting path God set me to walk on.


It's not what you think it's what you believe.  Patricia '96